In a year I've memorized every inch of that place. It has become closer to me than I would've imagined any piece of architect to be. Last night was one of those landmark-attached-memory nights that will always stay with me. I will never forget his hunched posture sitting on the concrete in an empty parking spot. Or how his bloodshot eyes looked at me though the windshield, and the way his pain instantaneously hurt me with such power as I pulled in the parking space, again. It hurt to see his pain and worse that I was the reason. It was stupid but I wanted to breakdown and get on my knees and apologize.
Sometimes pain is so overwhelming you want to stop breathing and just wish you'd disappear. I became hysterical and my knees went weak. I cried out loud in the empty parking lot and in the safe circle of his arms.
Some things change your life and they suck a little bit of happiness away from you forever. They never stop making you sad till it eventually becomes a part of you. It's hard to explain that sadness to people. The truth is it makes me sick, the way sadness is so addicting. Its addicting because I know it so well. Because its so familiar its almost comfortable.
