First and last? I'll prove you wrong.

Cake? Screw that, we'll make use of that apple :p
I did try my best to emotionally blackmail him BUT he didnt let me keep you. At least me and Zarmeen got to sing you the birthday song. I miss you.

HAPPY NINETEENTH!

Mujtaba.

"I'll always love you
The way a father should love his daughter. 
When I walked out this morning, I cried as I walked to the door,  I cried about how long I'd be away for, I cried about leaving you all alone..
So, I wanted to say this,
Cause I wouldn't know where to begin,
To explain to you what I've been through,
To explain where your dad has been,
So I wanna hold you,
Protect you from all of the things I've already endured, 
I wanna show you,
Show you all the things this life has in store for you.
Ill always love you..."

Rajaa Alsanea

Thats the way things are here in the shops and the malls: guys stare at women for their own reasons, while women stare at each other just because they are nosy! And they have no excuse for it. A girl cant stroll about in the malls under the protection of God without being checked out throughly by everyone, especially her own kind, from her abaya to the covering over her hair to the way she walks and the bags she carries and in which direction she looks and in front of what merchandise she stops. Is it envy? The French playwright Sacha Guitry was so on the mark when he said. "Women dont pretty themselves up for men: they do it to get back at other women."

Fish diaries.

Mujtaba got me fish. Down there, yeah that's Jane and Tarzan.
I put the fish bowl on my bed side table. When I wake in the middle of the night, no matter what time it is, I'm not the only one up. Thanks to no eyelids. I love my fish.

Put me to sleep.

Its cold. I'm still sleepy. Its weird how I need people to put me to sleep now. It doesn't work otherwise. Even dazed, I like to read and talk and hear the constant murmurs around me; Shanzay yelling for me to come see his picture, or Zarmeen crying, the dog barking on the roof, the soccer ball being kicked out in the backyard, somebody screaming at the kids outside, someone arguing in the kitchen. Distracting? No its not. Maybe it used to be once upon a time ago but now the sounds around me just seem comforting. So come over, bring your friends too. I wont mind. I 'll fall asleep somewhere quietly, knowing that everyone's around me. So stay. At least till I wake up. I insist.

Writing.

I wrote a tiny paragraph for someones book and I kinda wanted to share it with yall.

"With all its mighty power when the wind blows at you, swaying entire trees, don't close your eyes. Let life sting your eyes, crashing your shield till the held back tears finally flow out. And then smile again. Embrace the storm headfirst. For all those of you who think their lives are messed up, look again. Turn around. See that person? Yes, be grateful. Every other person you meet is fighting a harder battle. God isn't cruel. You're just important enough for him to notice you."

Its funny how this was my only contribution to that book besides that termination blog post from May.

             Dear Rabia,
I had no intention of disappointing you this time you visited my blog so here i am, writing. I doubt you could hear me goodly on the phone, my teeth were chattering and my voice was hoarse. I have a bad cold, again. And to top it off i had cold coffee which was definitely colder than my usual cold coffee. If you had been here, id make you a cup too and we'd sit out on the steps and have it.  But you're there, silly person. Anyway.You said you were sick too. Blah. Its the weather. Despite the fact that i know you live on a different continent, I'm assuming it must be equally freezing. The point is, of course i miss you. You don't have to ask Hassan to make sure =P
Know what i was actually tryna tell you? I was saying that you need to come to Lahore just cause i NEED to take you to these two places! Firstly, we have to go to Bistro again. Dining in is just not an option. They have The Awesome-est rooftop and you can even see my house from there. And secondly, you have to go on that night drive with me and Menahil on the ring road of Lahore. Everything looks so pretty. You wouldn't wanna go back. I swear. So like those are down-right perfect reasons for you you to come back. You cant even argue. I'll wait for you. Don't take forever, you know how i get so impatient. Take care x
                      Yours truly,
                         Saniya.

T.Swift

YOU made a rebel of a careless mans careful daughter.

Another day.

Holding Jane Eyre from one and typing this from another, I'm trying to distract myself. Today was even colder than yesterday. I have a runny nose. But maybe that's because I sat for three hours on that freezing marble bench waiting for either one of my parents to remember that I still existed, very much alive, alone at school. Eventually they did. After three hours. Well, at least I got to know the chokidar. We had a nice long chat.

I wrote the previous paragraph a good two hours back. Sorta got lost in the book. Here's my favorite line so far:

“when we are struck at without a reason, we should strike back again very hard . . . so as to teach the person who struck us never to do it again”  -Jane Eyre.

I plan to never let go of this one. You'd be surprised to know how much this one goes with some people. Anyway, now I'm on to poetry. I have a feeling that tomorrows literature exam is gonna suck big time. The fact that now I said it, leaves nil chances for it to be any good. Should I go now? I think I should. Gotta study.

xo