Just Married.

I stole a dusty old unused planner from my husbands parents house. It was gifted to my husband by some uncle on his high school graduation. After the wedding I wrote in it almost everyday. I hid it under my side of the bed. Even though the year was wrong I didn't care to pay much attention to the days but every time I had to clear my head I wrote in it. I felt like a 13 year old girl with a secret diary. Don't think of it as a betrayal, I just didn't need an audience in my very clustered head at the time.

Everywhere I go I get asked this one question a lot,

"So, how does it feel to be married?"

I'm never quite sure how to answer that. I go to a lot of family parties and meet all these new people who are supposed to be far away family friends of my new family. In these past months I have met so much of his family - more than my entire social circle - it's strangely fascinating in an unconformable way. One thing I've realized is that I'm definitely not into fake socializing.

All I really have to say is that I honestly haven't had enough time to figure out marriage just yet. What I can tell you is that I married the love of my life. I wrestle with him and call him names and in every jokingly said "shut up" there is an "I love you" hidden inside of it. He kisses my paper-cuts, and my door-slammed finger, and my counter bumped hip. He tries his hardest not to get annoyed when I whisper comments and questions during movies, He sends me random texts and leaves me silly gifts, not always, not on schedule, just whenever he wants to, whenever he thinks I need one, or five. He checks my tire pressure. We fight over the blanket in our twin sized bed because a smaller bed means we will be uncomfortably close to each other. He educates me on sports (I think I'm finally starting to understand American football!). He's makes me feel awfully guilty for not drinking chai with him so I drink chai now. He has actually made me like it (who knew that could happen?!)
We steal kisses at every red light. Some days he makes me so angry that I cry. Then he spends the whole day trying to fix it.

And if I liked you enough or even had the time I'd tell you that is what it feels like to be married.

Lost in the crowd.

I've honestly forgotten how to do this. Considering how things have changed slowly and drastically altogether, I can't even remember why I write here and put up with peoples unasked for opinions. It is what it is though. I will always come back here and get my writing fix while you read away and criticize. And I'll get a good laugh when you start to think you know me when the truth is, you will never know the fine line I draw between the real me and the writer me. I like to play with your head.
Although to be fairly honest, I still haven't stopped being too personal. I still fall in love with strangers everyday. Maybe that's one reason I love my job; it requires me to talk a lot. And when I'm not writing, I'm talking. Those hundreds of people that I meet everyday and the million conversations I have never fail to fascinate me. The thumbs up I get from the guy in the car next to me while doing makeup at a red light, make my day. It's about the unforced smiles you get from the people who only see you as that skinny girl with braces smiling back - no judgments and opinions included. Try and be one of those people one day.