He was a She.

Tell you this, Don't bother to cry over that guy. So. Totally. Not. Worth. It.
Instead, smile for me? Yeah way better :D



Quote of the day: I've had my equal share of dealings with assholes, TRUST ME, you just need to learn to be more optimistic, honey.

Life is Random. So am I.

Maybe I just like drama. Been lying in bed reading Jane Eyre all day long. So dead. But what can I say, PMS limits you to certain things. Next weekend, I'm going to Joyland. I wanna sit on all the crazy rides. And I'm taking all of you with me.

And theres still no update on the puppy I'm supposed to get Mujtaba for his seventh birthday. I kinda really wanted to get him a poodle. Dogs are adorable. I hate cats, besides the fact that I'm very scared of them, they tend to have this creepiness about them. Its probably their eyes, though.
Anyway. If you happen to have a puppy, please be kind enough to mail me it. Thankyou very much.

So I really need to watch Inception. That day I just ended up watching some other movie. Oh yes! Grown Ups. Very funny. You should watch if you haven't. Seriously, it killed my rotten mood. And Ehab is the only one who can actually do that so yeah.
.
Mariam, we have a movie date. Inception. My place. And I'll try to learn the train dialogue for you, Nahal.

Winter needs to happen already. But before that I need to get a new over-sized hoodie. My very own this time. So much for 'THE BROWN HOODIE' that I'm never allowed to wear again. (one of my personal rules)

Though, I'll wear it on his birthday just for the heck of it.

Dear Life,

• I want a Popsicle. A yellow Popsicle.
• I want to sneak out in the middle of the night and walk on the empty road under the yellow streetlamps in defence.
• I want to go to college far far far away from home.
• I want it to snowfall in Lahore this winter.
• I want to re-live last years spring-break.
• I want to tell Hassan that he hurt me, again.
• I want to go on a road trip to Karachi.
• I want a picture of all my people to keep in my wallet.
• I want to give my baby brother a puppy for his seventh birthday.
• I want to fall in love.
• I want to buy me a Polaroid camera.
• I want to keep my crappy phone with me till I die. It means the world to me.

Making up.

The last couple of my posts might make you think that I've been very angry lately. Even to me it seems as if I haven't written anything nice here in so long. Writing; my way of letting go. So I wont apologize. This is my second post today, figured I wanted to say more than just "that". Mood-killer, that one.
Blah. I had coffee in school today. Know what that reminds me of? Last year, somehow. Actually I know how. Me and Ehab were huge coffee lovers, lived on it, literally. Now its apparently bad for my throat. I just sent an Email to Rabia. I promised I wouldn't let distance come in the way, I'm sorry I just get caught up sometimes. I will write to you every week now, promise.
I cant wait for winters. Though, the nice weather has already started to kick in. The afternoons get kinda hot but mornings are beyond beautiful. You ought to come to Lahore, all those of you who aren't here. It really is nice.
Imma go now. Moms yelling for me to come have dinner. Later.

xo

Over-protective bestie?

Lately, these good-for-nothing "wannabes" are really starting to get on my nerves. Especially this one guy who thinks he can break her heart and get away with it. No sir, you can't. Not till she has me by her side. You think it doesn't matter, really? Make her cry, break her heart, let her down.. because you care about her, right? I'll show you who cares about her, Mister-I'm-not-man-enough-to-even-answer. The truth is, to not want HER, you must be gay. Of course, how could we miss that?!  I'm sorry lover boy, you lost her. Try not to break into tears just yet, save it for when I come kick your ass.

Im done reaching for something thats already gone..

Crushed under misunderstandings, piles of unwanted hatred and a tinch of hurt I should add. Crushed so deep, I could tell you what it feel like to be in the grave. Suffocating alive? Not quiet my idea of dying. So then today it rained and washed all of it away. Told you, nature is Love <3

Sorry for such randomness. Trust me, if it weren't for this you'd have gotten bored.
Anyway. This blog, I dedicate to the weak-hearted/paranoid/insecure people who either are too scared to handle the truth or simply confuse what they know with what they want to know.
If you cant handle what I write, don't read. If you still want to, then you're just gonna have to deal with it. I'm not being a bitch. I just don't lie like you.

Now. I shall go study for my socio test.

xo

You > Off my Planet.

These people with contagious eye infection really need to sit their butts at home. Instead, they're going around spreading diseased germs! Hide your ugly eye and take a week off from school, that too hard? Apparently, yes.
The other thing that's bothering me is the fact that everybody around me wont stop talking about college. I'll apply where and whenever i want to apply. Leave me alone. Thanks very much.

Thought you should know..

Just to make one thing clear. I don't lecture.
Sometimes my words are filled with pregnant meaning. For you, I sometimes dumb-down and elaborate.

Blekh.

 I'm up way too early considering the fact that today is the last day of my long weekend. My eyes are sleepy and barely open. And it took me a whole lot of stages to get outta bed. Eventually, I did.
Today my horoscope on Facebook says my "nearly" perfect match is Capricorn. Funny.
I need to clean my room. Its a huge mess. If you came to see me you'd change your mind and turn back around. I cant help it, tiny rooms get messed easily. But I like it. I mean it has everything I need including the wee bit of privacy I ask for. Anyway, that was that. Now I need breakfast before I start working again.. I want pancakes but never mind that since I'm a horrible cook, maybe just a peanut buttered toast would do.

p.s. Do me a favor, find me a guy who cooks amazing food. Come on that ain't too hard, that is my only demand you see. You do that for me and I'll owe you for the rest of my existence. No lie.

xo

back again?

I haven't written proprer in what seems like a lifetime. I figured pictures never say enough. I miss giving you details of my so-not-interesting life. Put up with me here.
So like Eid's over now, almost. School starts Tuesday. There's this general sadness when holidays come to an end, no? At least it seems that way this time around. A few happy moments that I wouldn't want to forget could be one of the reasons. Wow, I just realized how the tiniest things make me happy.You might think that's a good thing. Its not, just leaves you with too many happy memories to cry over for later. Forgive me for being such a pessimist. I'm in a weird mood. And I know just the person to blame. The battery's dying, though, I will elaborate later.

Eid issues.

Obsessing over basically everything. Mehndi and bangles, chaand raat, the morning of Eid, the little kids asking me for Eidi to fill their wallets and purses, with moms vermicelli. This Eid I also fell in love with green. Also, why the hell are people making such a big deal about the fact that Eid happened on 9/11. I mean are you really that stupid? We follow the lunar cycle, you dumb asses.
Anyway, I wont take pictures today. I didn't bother to dress just yet. The second day of Eid has kinda lost its charm. Not quite for me, though. I'm wearing red bangles today.

And in sadness we embrace the celebrations of Eid..

Sadness.

Its not just me. Tonight, sadness surrounds us all.
Like air, its there hovering above, around and within us.
Reason? There are one too many to write about.
All I have to say is that, always leave your loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRCNZ8JALms

(Me too, Hassan. Loved it)

Wake up.

People used to die everyday before, too. But somehow, now, death seems only just a heartbeat away. So close, it's scary. You don't have to be sick or old to be dying anymore.
I make a point to not watch the news; heartbreaking pictures of starved homeless flood victims, bomb blasts in places way too close to home and the deaths of people I just passed five minutes ago. It's terrifying, so much that it would have reduced you to a quivering jelly, had you been this close. But the news is unavoidable, of course.
Three of my loved ones have lost their parents. Stop wasting time being alone and leading ungrateful lives. There is no time left. Cause something that's happening right now could be that one thing that could give you a heartache for life. And no matter how bad your heart is broken, I've seen that the world doesn't stop for your grief. Love your loved ones before its too late. Before time brings the worst against you.


Pakistani flood victims, 2010.

You like popsicles? I love popsicles.

I had five today. And honestly, my throat feels fine. Everyone's allowed to have fun once in a while.
Try swallowing half a Popsicle in one go. Your head will slightly sting just for half a minute, though, but completely worth the rush.

p.s. Yellow pineapple flavored popsicles are the best.

My yesterday

First things first. My presentation rocked. At least that's what everyone said. Once I started it wasn't even nervous.
But that's just a little part of yesterday. Let me elaborate. The shopping trip I mentioned never happened. So we were riding with Menahil and she kept telling us how her car was making a weird noise, got out, figured the tire was punctured. It was actually very funny at that time. We asked a random dude to help us change the tire. At least we all now know how to change a tire right? Later we just hung out, ate and I took another billion pictures. I'll give you some very soon. And we were forced to dance to rap music since there was no other music. It was fun and we fell in love with Mehwish's brother's music.
I got home around 10 p.m. Way past my curfew but surprisingly dad happily asked if I had had fun. Overall a very good day in the end. So much that's beyond explanation. I love my girlfriends. They make my days all the more better. I ought to be very thankful, you know.

P.S. Listen to this one. Screw the language factor. You're bound to love it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIi6vf4433A&feature=related

Thanks very much, Mariam, for reminding me. Yes it rained yesterday. We sat in my porch and watched. It was beautiful. I need to add this one in my porch memories, Mariam.
And the rings we made out of  those pink wet flowers. So pretty. I miss yesterday.

DEFECTED.

Both of our Eid clothes are green. I made Nahal promise she'd send me a picture so you'll see us wearing green on the same celebration, just in different places.
I made a point to do all my homework today. The weekends gonna be real busy. I'm hanging with friends tomorrow and going shopping :D
And and and, tomorrow is that stupid little presentation. Yes, its "little" considering how hugely its scaring me. I'm just stupid. I'll tell you how it goes in my tomorrows blog post.
Right now I'm craving for a yellow pineapple Popsicle. Secretly, in the middle of the night, I'll get me one. Doesn't it suck so much that i cant even have a silly little Popsicle without my throat crying out blood? And to top it off, I, the clumsiest being on the planet, hit my head while trying take my ring out from under the table causing my so very delicate nose to drip red.
Maybe Nahal is right, "You're like a car made of spare parts. All parts work to their own tune with no sync. Everything going awry. I think you need a long vacation in London."
Hell yes i do!

DANCING IN THE RAIN.

Its raining. Looks very beautiful. The kids are playing in the rain. You need to be here. I'd give you lots of pictures but I have a sucky camera. Imma give you em anyway. It'd be a shame if you missed these two..

Thats my little brother and his friend :p

Mujtaba, again, all wet.

Here i am, sitting in the porch, writing.

Tonight.

You,
        I miss my phone tonight.You make me miss my phone. Theres something I need to tell you. Not just that, a whole bunch of things. Never thought I'd hear myself say this but I really do miss summer. A lot actually. So much that I wish I could go back. I'd happily trade it with that crappy phone of mine. But I know its pointless to ask for sunshine at night. I figured being happy isn't enough. If something isn't right, it wont make you happy. People are cruel and they let you down. I'm in a rotten mood and I don't mean to talk about someone in particular.. just saying, you know. The point is I'm sad tonight. And there's only just you that I need to talk to to make it right. Last time I heard from you, you were really sick. Please be okay.
I miss you.

Love,
Saniya.

Blah blah blah.

I'm in literature class wishing the lady doesn't show up. Literature is the love of my life butI'm just not in the mood today. Today is Mehwish's birthday. We got her balloon's and a cake and all. We didn't have nice candles so Sarah got this huge one. It was funny. I'll give you a picture as soon as somebody uploads one. Mariam, where were you?

So the literature teacher is ten mins late and maybe, just maybe...

Ugh never mind that. She came. We did this poem on sex. And surprisingly it wasn't as disgusting as Sujata's others poems but disgusting enough. Not that I  think sex isn't beautiful.. just the way Sujata Bhatt describes it, erm, not so much.
Anyway. I was wondering how when I was a kid, I hated waiting after school for my car. My mood would be killed for the rest of the day if mom came late, leaving me to wait. Now, I don't seem to mind.  .

9:30 pm

Never got to post it, figured I had so much more to say so the previous paragraph just stayed in my drafts till now.
Green is my newest favorite from today. Sadly, I hardly have green colored clothes. I stole Shanzay's shirt today. It was green.
.

My school mid-terms are this December and I need to start studying. Its starting to worry me now. There's so much stuff I need to catch up on. The lazy days are so over. Oh and did I tell you about my stage fright? Yess, I have stage fright! Of all things this! Its not like I got the lead in the school play. That wouldn't even be scary. Motivating a whole bunch of seventeen year olds about joining a particular club just seems stupid. More so because I know most of these kids are least interested and they hardly give a shit. This is important and I need to make em listen to me. Being the head representative I'm acting like a total retard. Cant blame me though, my partner is completely freaked. The dean gives her the creeps. Yeah yeah I get the point; it's all up to me. So much for no pressure.

Letting go of all my defences.

I'm dreading Saturday.
I think i might have stage fright. Anyway, I've decided I'm gonna do what makes me happy.
The end.