You Are Missing From Me In Bits And Pieces.

"Detachment doesn't mean you don't let the experience penetrate you. On the contrary, you let it penetrate you fully. That is how you are able to leave it."

Pain? I miss Mujtaba. I miss him and its not in waves, its always there; constant.

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Want? The answer seems fairly simple. I want to teach and I wanna make art, and take pictures, and read books and be with someone who loves me enough to never get tired of kissing my face. Simple. You know what you want. We all know what we want regardless of how stupid it is. Yet we're all so confused without a clue about who we are.

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Change? The real truth is, its not the change that will break your heart; it's actually the nudge of familiarity.

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Love? I wonder how it happend...
I wonder if I fell in love with the morning; how he stumbled out of bed straight to work, and how his eyes smiled my favorite smile despite the exhaustion. Or I wonder if it was the the way his hands grasped my hipbones while his lips stole the ending of my sentences. What it was exactly, I will never know. But I knew from the instant I met him that I would have to spend the next few days re-arranging my mind so there'd be room for him to stay. And just somehow I knew that I was in love with the presence of his words and the feel of his existence. It made perfect sense.

(You know when you're a little kid and you know in your heart that it's not a casual crush, its absolutely undeniably head over heels oh my god are you kidding me you are perfect wow I'm literally going to rethink every conversation we've ever had for the next 9 hours of my life please love me - sorta thing.)

People have lists in their heads of the kind of person they want to be with. It's all bullshit. Because people aren't lists. And I've always wanted to be the person who made someone realize that. I wanted to come across  someone with a list in their head that is nothing like the person I am, and I wanted to show them what they didn't even know they were looking for. People think they know what they want. Nobody really knows until its right in front of them.

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Fear? There's always something you're afraid to say. There's always an untold secret and the longer you keep it, the heavier it gets.